Future Disappointment?

I haven’t written a personal post in a very long time. I do need an honest opinion, but please be nice. 🙂

I was talking with some of the other baseball moms at practice yesterday. We were talking about what we do for our kids. Surprisingly a lot of them let their kids fend for themselves. When it comes to breakfast, getting ready in the morning, etc. I mentioned that I make Bailey’s breakfast the night before so he can just heat it up. Usually it’s something like breakfast burritos, french toast, pancakes. One of the mothers said I was setting him up to never get married because no woman will ever be as good to him as I am, and that’s what he’ll expect. Is that true? I just think that’s part of my job as a mom. I’m home, and I’d rather him have a warm meal before school. Should I stop, so he doesn’t expect it from his future wife? And I mean everything in general. I do a lot for him. Don’t get me wrong, he is responsible for a lot of things. But, I do, and I am afraid to admit this now…but I still pick his clothes out. I just make sure he approves. I still cut his meat up for him, even though I know he can do it. There, I said it! 

Is it wrong for me to want my son to marry a woman who will cook, and  care for my grandchildren and son the way I care for him? I know we’re way off from the day I really have to worry about this, but it’s been on my mind.  Am I setting him up for future disappointment? 

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44 Responses to Future Disappointment?

  1. Joy says:

    I’m not really sure if I get what these women are saying. Are they saying we’re supposed to be jerky to our boys because they should expect to be treated that way by a woman one day and they will then marry that woman? *scratching my head here* So are they saying they’re lousy wives and mothers because that’s what women do? I’m really sorry but what kind of woman would admit that? That honestly, they want a daughter in law or life partner like that for their child? The more I write the more pissed off I get!

    The way you are is the way I was. This is how I feel. I did work when my boys were in school but I worked in their school so I did see him but I still made their meals and was “nice” to them. This may come as a shock but I did their laundry most of the time too! I know, SHOCK!!! I made sure they had a hot meal in the morning or whatever they wanted. ALWAYS. If they came here now and asked me please and thank you if I’d make them a poached egg, I’d make it. I’d do the same for Paul. I don’t consider it anything but being kind to those I love. I don’t see it as “setting him up for failure” because I show them how much I love them by doing things for them that yes, they could do themselves but it made me really happy and there are times I’d pay money for a week of my life back then. Sometimes I miss eating sloppy joe’s in a paper cup on the way to the ball field. By the time they were old enough, I took them clothes shopping but depending on cost and such, what “we” picked out, we were all happy with.

    BUT…that’s not saying I don’t think they should know how to do things on their own because I think they should and I do think they should do things for us sometimes too. To me it’s got nothing to do with what sex you are. To me it’s about being kind and nice. I’ll tell you one more thing, if someone treated either of my boys like crap or any of my grandchildren, I think this is one momma who’d speak up. What hogwash. To leave them to fend on their own because this is how “women” are is a nasty way to view the world.

  2. mssc54 says:

    Okay… PUT THE STEAK KNIFE DOWN! 😉

    Perhaps the other mothers are just trying to make themselves feel better about being slackers. It’s called parenting for goodness sakes!

    Look at the stats on children who eat breakfast compared to those who don’t as it relates to education, health etc.

    And heck my wife and daughters pick my clothes out and I’m nearly fifty-seven years old. But I think they pick my clothes out because I could realy care less what style is. As long as the necessary parts are covered that’s all that I care about.

    Don’t let those pot smoking, soap opera watching, gossiping, lazy moms bother you. You be the mom that gets the electric wheel chair when the time comes and let the slacker moms sit around waiting for their kids to push them around in their old age! 🙂

    • Joy says:

      Don’t let those pot smoking, soap opera watching, gossiping, lazy moms bother you. You be the mom that gets the electric wheel chair when the time comes and let the slacker moms sit around waiting for their kids to push them around in their old age!
      LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!

    • Nikki says:

      🙂 Thanks Michael. I pick Jason’s clothes out too, most of the time. And I get his work clothes out for him every night. There are times I don’t, and he figures it out.

      You really made me laugh!

  3. Laura says:

    I think it all comes down to expectation… on his part. Does he *expect* you to do all of this? If you didn’t – say one evening you came down with the flu, and ended up bedridden for a couple days. That means you don’t lay out the clothes, you don’t cook him breakfast, or cut his meat, or even do his laundry, because it happens to be laundry day when you’re sick, and he needs his baseball pants. How does he react? Does he drag you out of bed to do all that for him? Or does he get himself dressed and fed in the morning, and do a load when he comes home while he’s eating dinner that he threw together? (at 11, he’s capable of doing all that for himself, you know that, even if it’s just scrambling an egg, or nuking a pizza or something)

    I really think that the attitude behind it is the whole thing. If he’s grateful for what you do, and sees it as the act of love that it is, rather than “it’s Mom’s/Wife’s/Womans Work”, then you’re ok. When he starts demanding that you do it, when he starts taking it for granted, *that’s* where the problem comes in.

    And for the record, I strive to have the kind of relationship with Josh that I see in you and Bailey. It seems that you two are friends, in addition to being mom and son. It really is a very cool thing to observe from out here.

    But maybe let him cut his own meat… 😉

  4. Laura says:

    PS… gorgeous picture. You should frame that.

  5. Just a Mom says:

    I am in agreement with what the others have already said. My youngest daughter does get her own breakfast in the morning but that is because I am busy making her lunch. I also help her fix her hair in the morning. Personally I love helping her out and the best part is while I am helping her she is talking to me! She can do it all on her own but she appreciates “our time” as much as I do.

  6. I’m pretty much in agreement with all that has been said above. I see nothing wrong with loving and caring for a child, but I also believe the more they can do for themselves the better. Nothing wrong with doing for them, just don’t over do. 😉

    My other point would be that parents do all kinds of things that are bad for kids, but love and care aren’t on the list. For example, I would say signing him up for baseball isn’t good. Why? Sports help to teach team work! Well there are lots of ways to learn team work that don’t include teaching competition. Without going into more detail on that I’ll just add to my list of bad things parents do to/for their kids: buying toy guns and toy soldiers, dolls, toy kitchens, toy McDonald’s, pacifying them with videos, teaching them to believe in the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, princesses, fairy tails… I’ll save the rest of this mile long list for when this is the actual topic. :mrgreen:

    Now on to the possible high expectations of your child. Nothing wrong with high expectations as long as they aren’t unreasonable. Expecting a partner to be loving and caring sounds ok to me. Add to that trust worthy and he’s on the right track to a long, happy relationship, if and when that time comes.

    PS: Those other moms sound a bit wacky in my book. Ha! Like I’m one to talk, right? 😛

    • Joy says:

      LOL Peter, I wouldn’t touch this comment with a ten foot pole.

    • Nikki says:

      Well, we certainly differ here! If we didn’t sign our son up for baseball, I would feel like the worse mother ever. I’d be taking away a dream, a passion, his life. That’s where his love lies, on that baseball field. And there is not one single thing wrong with that. He’s an only child, and I’m not sure what he’d do with out his “brothers.” And he’s pretty darn good too. 😉 And as far as the tooth fairy, Santa, Easter bunny goes, I think that’s just a really important part of a childhood. It allows your imagination to run wild, and I don’t know anyone that was scarred for life because they found out they weren’t “real”…although Santa is real. 😉 I bought my son play gun, and half the time he used sticks as guns. Is he violent? Not in the least! Are there exceptions? Yes, but I believe a lot more goes on in the mind and in the home of those children.

      • Nikki says:

        I can’t edit, but I obviously mean *children*

      • Laura says:

        SANTA ISN’T REAL???? WTH ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT????? NOOOOOOooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • That’s ok, no one agrees 100% of the time with anyone else. Thanks for pulling out your ten foot stick. 😉 I would still say from what I’ve heard that you’re a better mother that those others. The things you do for your son are pretty much status quo for our society, so I wouldn’t expect you to see anything wrong with such actions or to readily accept such a radically differing point of view. I was just contributing to the conversation. My goal is never to argue, only to stimulate thought. A thought exercise if you will. 🙂

    • mssc54 says:

      Sports competition isn’t good but… what? Debate club? Give me a break. A parent can slant anything one way or the other. I coached girls youth fastpitch softball for a number of years. My coaching style was to teach the girls the skills of the sport. Teach them how to be gracious winners and good losers. We NEVER had a party based solely on wheather we won or loss. We had parties because it builds comradre, a sense of being part of The Team.

      I would have required parent meeting at the beginning of each season. I would explain my style and also let the parents know that this wasn’t a baby sitting service. Each player had to have a parent presebt at each practice and game. And don’t be yelling at your kid from the sidelines or I will get the officials to remove you… then it’s okay for your kid to be there without you.

      Sports competition is bad? Your parents must have really scarred you by making you play because they never could achieve the level they wanted.

      • Sound like you were a pretty good coach, as far as coaches go. My parents nor my sports experiences had anything to do with it. It doesn’t even have anything to do with “sports competition”, it’s competition, period. Team work is good, cooperation is good, competition is not, under no circumstance. Competition may get you from point ‘A’ to point ‘B’, but you would have gotten there without it more efficiently. Competition holds us back as a society; planet wide.

        • SKL says:

          Good luck raising kids who are not competitive. I certainly didn’t teach my kids to compete with each other, nor do I like it, but they do it quite a bit. Given that there is some competitive drive inborn in us, it seems a good idea to channel that in relatively positive directions.

          I would not push a child to be competitive if that wasn’t her natural inclination, of course. But I also will not teach them that a competitive spirit is somehow immoral.

          Recently competition has been intentionally avoided in schools and such. Yet if anything, school has become a meaner, scarier place.

          Theoretically, competition may not be ideal. However, our kids don’t go through life “in theory.”

          • Just because something is everywhere you turn doesn’t mean it is natural or inborn. It only means it is what we are used to, because it is what our society produces in many cases. Competition is a result of scarcity. There’s not enough to go around, so we compete for it. Scarcity used to be a real, naturally occurring phenomenon, but in this day and age it only exists through artificial means and manipulation as a form of control. There’s enough food for everyone on the planet, but it’s horded. There are enough resources for everyone on the planet to have a home, but they are horded. There is enough clean drinking water for everyone on the planet, but it is horded. That’s where competition is spawned and we raise children to respect competition. It starts small and seemingly innocent at first, but over time we are introduced to the system, told “that’s how it is, how it was and how it will be” and not to question it.

            If everyone on the planet had their needs met, we wouldn’t have professional ball players, they wouldn’t take steroids to be at the top of their game, they wouldn’t play to the point of crippling themselves or others and that would only leave recreational sports. Without pro sports, people wouldn’t have sports heroes to look up to, or sports scholarships to strive for, so there wouldn’t be near as much drive to want to play such sports in the first place. In fact, this is where non competitive sports/games would really start to thrive. Self improvement and team work would be the flavor of the day. No score kept, nobody loses and everyone could still go out for pizza after.

            As far as the schools go, it’s not the lack of competition that makes them mean and scary places. It’s the fact that they are designed to churn out automatons just smart enough to do meaningless labor (in most cases) and just dumb enough to accept their sad existences. Schools don’t fuel critical thinking, free thinking or out-of-the-box thinking, nor do they encourage creativity or positive ways for children to channel their energy and passion.

            Our school systems as we know them have only been around for little more than 100 years, originally designed to shape and mold factory workers of the future; to turn country kids into city kids. The need for farm labor was shrinking and the demand for factory workers was booming. We’ve pretty much reached the end of that cycle. Now the factory jobs are being filled by robots and more and more kids are taking jobs in call centers and service positions, often times finding even those jobs are few and far in between. The school system hasn’t changed near as much as the needs of our society has.

            Now I’m not saying everyone should drop all thoughts of competition overnight and start condemning such behavior the next day (wouldn’t that be nice), but I am trying to plant the seeds for tomorrow. The times, they are a changing. True change takes time, but it won’t happen any time soon if people don’t stop to think about the possibilities, discuss them and even start to implement them. Bare minimum, sneak a peak outside the box.

            Kids test new theories every day, feeling their way through life, seeing what works and what doesn’t. Giving them more choices, new choices, better choices isn’t a bad thing. Common sense doesn’t become common until it’s been brought to your attention, you test this new theory and if it passes your test, it is added to your collection of ‘common sense’.

            I plan on doing a couple of posts in the next couple/few days on education/schools if anyone might be interested, not to mention I’ve done others in the past. Look in my categories under ‘Amazing Children’ and ‘Education’. Knowledge is power. 😉

            • mssc54 says:

              “If everyone on the planet had their needs met,”

              So Socialism is the answer? Just how would you propose that every single person on the planet get their various needs met? What of those whom just feel entitled? Won’t lift a hand to earn a single thing that is just handed to them?

              Then we come to acquiring the WANTS after the needs are met. What then? Stop wanting?

    • Joy says:

      I’m not a competitive person by nature. I do like to win but I don’t feel that need to win every time. Given that said, I don’t see what’s wrong with a little bit of it. I feel it’s those types of people who invent things and are most often scientists and go out and discover things. I think a lot of times, it’s people like me who just accept things as they are and it’s the people who are more competitive/ambitious that want to gain or win who go out and conquer the world. I think competitive and ambitious go hand in hand and I tend to be a lazy person. I don’t think really driven people are in the least bit lazy.

      What would you have children to to fill their time? If not sports or any school activities, because most of them are competitive, what would you expect our young people to use to get their brain and living skills up to par?

      I’m still trying HARD not to say more.

      • Often times people who invent and discover are not motivated by competition or profit, but by the thrill of invention, discovery and the knowledge that the fruits of their labor will benefit society.

        Lazy people tend to be lazy, because they lack motivation and feel they can’t contribute to society, or that if they try it won’t make a difference. In their lives they were told to “sit still”, “sit down”, “be quiet”, “you ask too many questions”, “don’t do as I do, do as I say do”, “that’s just the way it is”, “because I said so”, “just because”, “you’ve doing it wrong”, “color inside the lines”, “follow the rules”, “don’t ask why”, “accept things as they are”… and the list goes on and on until that individual begins to feel powerless and like they don’t matter. The jobs life offers are unfulfilling, school left them unprepared for life, people with money and power get rewarded for bad behavior, honesty doesn’t get them very far, crime does seem to pay, TV and magazines only offer unrealistic standards to live up to… You get the picture.

        You are right about the world conquerors. They are raised in a world of competition and reward. They have the edge and it feels good. People look up to them (boys and girls) and sometimes fear them. With great power comes the craving for more. Once they become accustomed to the warmth of that spotlight they can’t live with out it. Some learn that they can cut corners, manipulate or flat out cheat to get even further ahead, all along being rewarded for their achievements as long as the cheating isn’t discovered, and sometimes even then. We see it time and time again on TV in so many forms.

        Children are born naturally curious. They’ll ask question nonstop until told often enough to “be quiet”, “don’t ask so many questions”, etc. Pretty soon you have to pull questions out of them. When the time is right, parents and teachers won’t say such things any more. They will encourage the curiosity of children and the children will be taught to think critically. They will be taught where and how to seek out their own answers. Critical thinking will cease to be a college course and begin to be a way of life.

        Creativity won’t be stunted either. Sketchers will sketch, painters will paint, dancers will dance, musicians will play, diggers will dig, climbers will climb, swingers will swing… Kids don’t need help being creative, they need people to stay out of their way so they can be.

        As far as what they would learn in school, well that would be greatly up to them. Of course there would be the usual: reading, writing and arithmetic. Beyond that their interests would be their direction. You are at point ‘A’, you want to learn about point ‘C’, you will have to learn about point ‘B’ first. Once they learn one set of skills they can move on to the next logical step in their quest for knowledge, when they are ready and able. Team work and cooperation would be encouraged all along the way. Reward will not be part of the equation.

        Physical activities would come in the form of sports/games that teach team work and cooperation and/or personal betterment. These could include, but not be limited to: canoeing, kayaking, archery, aerobics, recreational dance, hiking, backpacking, surfing, walking, skateboarding, cycling, parkour, survival skills, track and field, not to mention all of those fun games we used to play as kids where there was no score to be kept or winners to be praised; freeze tag was my favorite.

        I hope I’ve answered your questions, Joy. If not, feel free to ask some more. Don’t fight the feeling. 😉

        • SKL says:

          Once upon a time I was a college student with nothing better to do than read and write this type of stuff. That was almost 30 years ago. Let me give you a little heads-up. Everything you have written so brillantly here has been written before – even tried before. It does not work in real life. But you won’t believe me just because I write this here. You will figure it out through your own life experiences. I hope you are saving these little essays so you can look back at them for a chuckle every decade or so.

          Let me just ask you one question. Did you grow all the food you ate today with your own hands, or did you earn it by working a full-time job (and if so is your field private or government-funded), or did you come about it some other way? In what way have your efforts this week contributed to the food poor children have eaten this week?

          • Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
            -George Carlin

            Sometimes the words of others are all we need. 😉 I am fully aware that nothing I have written here is brilliant or original. Information, thoughts and ideas are all serial. I am only regurgitating, rewording and building upon those before me with similar ideas. Perhaps you’ve influenced someone in the past that has influenced me in the present?

            What good are thought and ideas if we don’t ponder them, discuss them, share them and build upon them? There are plenty of bad ideas out there that people don’t dismiss, scoff, roll eyes at or shoot down, yet for some reason good ideas get this kind of treatment all the time. Real, positive change doesn’t happen overnight and it will never happen if the effort is never put in.

            I don’t expect to live in a society free of debt, starvation, competition and the like any time soon if in my life time, but I do have hope for a much better future, but we can’t hope for a better future if we’re not doing something to get there. 30+ years from now, if I’m lucky enough to still be alive, I’ll still be fighting the good fight. If I’m not so lucky I hope I’ve influenced at least one person to continue on in my place.

            Thank goodness for people that don’t give up on their dreams when others say: “never”, “not in this lifetime”, “not in a million years”, “impossible” or we’d be living on a flat planet with no electricity, cars, planes, cell phones, computers… All of these things and more work in real life. The ideas I present also work in real life. Maybe not widespread, due to current socioeconomic models that don’t allow for such things, but they do work, and they can work on a much grander scale. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day, oh yes, it will happen.

            If you think we can’t change the world, it just means you’re not one of those that will.
            -Jacque Fresco

            “Let me just ask you one question”. That was more like five+. 😛 No, yes, N/A, N/A, N/A, not sure. I do know that doing nothing or ‘more of the same’ isn’t the answer. Communication and education are key. Communication and education start every time a conversation like this begins.

            Be the change you want to see in the world.
            -Mahatma Gandhi

            Not the roadblock. 😉

            • Laura says:

              “If I’m lucky enough to still be alive, I’ll be fighting the good fight.”

              Fighting is a form of competition. You’ve just invalidated your own argument.

            • SKL says:

              Just note that your tone in these comments has been every bit as condescending as you consider mine to be. And it gives me a chuckle to see such primitive thoughts presented with such condescension.

              Yes, I said primitive. Because these are the thoughts that can only be born of a mind protected from the give and take of real life. (Or one who refuses to see real life for what it is.)

              Education and communication never fed a poor child. My tax dollars and my personal contributions have fed many. Education and communication are only as good as the message is tried and true. The ideas you talk about have been tried, but since they have failed every time, they are not true. They do sound good, though. “And they lived happily ever after.”

              • SKL says:

                And by the way, if your tone were not so condescending, nobody here would feel the inclination to criticize you.

                • Joy says:

                  I agree with SKL.

                  • Condescending: displaying a patronizingly superior attitude.

                    I never thought anything of the sort on your part or mine. I have to assume that because my comments are well thought out, complete as possible and contradict your views, that you interpret this as being condescending. I assure all of you that is not my intent. I’m just offering up a different point of view, answering questions and responding to comments; nothing more. I’m pretty sure that if my comments were worded exactly the same way, but you agreed with everything I had to say, I would get a virtual pat on the back and told “well put”, “well said” or some such form of praise/agreement. I’ve made no accusations, harassed no one, insulted no one, disrespected no one or anything along those lines, not to infer any of those things have been done to me (well, maybe just a little, but I have thick skin), just pleading my case. 🙂

                    My thoughts are not primitive. They are out-of-the-box, future minded and full of love which can be hard to grasp, but not ungraspable. Just like almost everyone else, I’m part of this same give and take world, doing my best to stay afloat. I’m also doing my best to share my thoughts on a better future. You would think this would be an easier message to spread. Unfortunately people tend to resist change; even for the better, myself included. This doesn’t make my task impossible, just a real challenge.

                    Education and communication is exactly what feeds children, men and women the world over. You may be familiar with the “teach a man to fish…” saying. I’m just offering up additional ideas to fishing.

                    You repeatedly say my ideas have already been tried and failed. I have no idea what you are talking about. Feel free to give some examples if you want to discuss it. Also, please keep in mind, just because something has been tried and fails doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try again.

                    Change is the only constant. We can resist, but things are going to happen. If we go with the flow, we can’t legitimately complain about the outcome. If we set selfless goals that would benefit everyone and strive to reach them, that is progress in itself. There is no happy ending. There will always be new goals and challenges. Change happens.

                    Remember that this is the internet and that you shouldn’t read into things too much. You can’t have a tone online, unless you count typing in all CAPS. Humor and sarcasm don’t travel the web well either. I find it best when in doubt to check it out; clarify, confirm, question. If people feel the need to criticize, there isn’t much I can do about that.

                    Whether I agree with all of you or not, I hope I’m still welcome in the conversation.

  7. SKL says:

    I am not sure of the context, so my analysis may be off. I think that caring for your child is all about teaching him to care about others. If that is what he lives, then when he is with a woman he cares about, he will naturally do things for her. It may not be cooking the breakfast (or it may!), but it will be very appreciated if he has the tendency to think to do something nice for his partner without first being asked. And, if that is the case, she will naturally want to reciprocate, whether or not she was raised to “expect to cook her man’s breakfast.”

    On the other hand, I personally feel that teaching my kids to “fend for themselves” (basic survival skills) is part of my job as a parent. I would feel like a failure if my kids went to college without all the skills needed to care for themselves and live with others – including not only the ability to cook etc., but also the ability to plan and organize for a relatively smooth experience. That’s what my mom did for me. My mom was certainly not lazy, but she was not getting our breakfasts or lunches when we were in middle school. She woke us up, made sure our clothing choices were acceptable, and ran to the bus stop in her heels so she could get to work on time. My mom planned dinner and made sure we had the ingredients, but my brother had the responsibility to cook it, starting at age 10. As for me – well, I’ve been known to say that hot meals are overrated. We don’t have them every day, because I want to save time for other priorities that I have for my kids. I will make sure they know how to plan and prepare a hot meal, but I have a few years before they need to master that.

    Now, I’ve had men treat me like as the woman, I had better expect to cook them breakfast – even men who are better cooks than I am. It is extremely offensive. But it’s more the attitude “you are a woman, what else are you good for?” Or, “I’m a Man, do you seriously expect me to touch a spatula?” Not every boy with a caring mom grows up into an asshole. (I think it depends more on how he sees his father treat his mother.) At some point, your son will figure out that not all women love to cook or feel the desire (or have the time) to do it multiple times a day. That won’t stop him from liking girls.

    I would also say, don’t worry: dry cereal is just as healthy as a hot breakfast, if not more so. So if Bailey marries a woman who doesn’t cook his breakfast, as long as she isn’t an overall selfish biddy, he’ll be quite OK.

    And as for the cutting of the meat – he needs to be able to do that when you are out in public. His friends will judge him if you keep doing it for him.

  8. Laura says:

    So here’s another question that I have… these other moms, they have awards for motherhood? They never do anything questionable with their children? They discipline perfectly, talking everything out and never, ever even consider a spanking or even a Time Out? Their children never, ever have problems at school, either with behavior or with school work – they’re getting straight A’s, and they stroll among their peers at the playground sporting wings, halo, and a Heavenly Glow? They’re the perfect Free Range Mothers, allowing their third graders to get themselves up and to school with no supervision whatsoever?

    My point to that silliness is to point this out: often we criticize that which we envy. “You baby your son too much” could translate to “I wish I had a better relationship with my kid. I wish I found pleasure in doing things for him, like she does.” And often, just the opposite is true, but no less opinionated: “You are not doing things the way that I do, and of course, we all know that MY way is the only acceptable way.”

    Don’t fall into their crap. Until they can show you documentation that their way is the best way, and that THEIR child is the one who is going to grow up to be the Perfect Husband, and yours is going to be the Troll In His Mother’s Basement, blow them off. Every kid is different, every parent is different.

    And finally? I love how they all dismiss Jason, like having a strong, loving, involved father not only in the picture but in the house doesn’t matter. Bailey is going to be just fine – not only does he have you, he had Jason. And Sue & Toby. And Joy & Paul. And plenty of others that we don’t even know about!

  9. Nikki says:

    Bailey does know how to cut his meat. He does know how to do laundry, get his clothes ready, etc. I just like to do these things for him. I wouldn’t cut his meat in front of his friends! He likes to have something warm in the mornings, especially in the winter. I never said there was anything wrong with cold cereal, he does eat that too-usually on the weekends, when I am “off duty.” He knows how to use the microwave, he’ll make himself oatmeal. If I say no, I don’t feel like it, he would happily do it. He’s one of the most kind hearted kids I know, and yeah he’s my son but it is true. He’d never get mad or throw a fit. The only thing I ever wanted out of life was to be a mom, so that’s what I’m going to be! I want him to have everything I didn’t have, and every thing my husband did have growing up.

    For the record, this mother that said this. It was really one that said specific things, she would never ever cook a meal (her husband does that-nothing wrong with that!) she does not clean, she had a cleaning lady for that. Again, I would never attack her for how she lives, and raises her kids. But I did feel attacked. I started to 2nd guess myself. Yesterday, Bailey was home sick and of course I did everything I could do to make him feel better. I sat here and thought to myself, “I AM a good mom, because I have a GREAT son. I had something to do with that, it wasn’t all just luck!

    And Laura, you made me cry! Thanks a lot, it’s too early in the morning for that!!! I appreciate your words, more than you know. (((HUGS)))

  10. Sue says:

    I also agree with what everyone else has said. Both SKL and Laura have made great points. Expectations being one. If he can make a sandwich, get himself ready, stay somewhat organized without you, he’ll be just fine. When he starts thinking/saying “but that’s what you’re SUPPOSE to do”, then I’d be worried. I think it was SKL who said, how Jason treats you is important. I think this is way more important than you doing things for him. Watching his father interact with women will be a huge factor in how he treats and what he expects from the women in his life.

    You also have to remember that everyone grew up differently and what one person may see as important another may not. It doesn’t make either of you right or wrong, it’s just the way it is. This woman sounds very spoiled at this point in her life, but maybe it wasn’t always that way. Or, maybe, she was spoiled growing up so now she’s trying to make sure her kids can do things for themselves so they don’t end up like she did. You said yourself, “I want him to have everything I didn’t have, and every thing my husband did have growing up.” Maybe she’s thinking the same thing. But for you, that happens to translate into all the things you do for him. It makes you human and it makes you a great mom with a great son. Plain and simple.

  11. Joy says:

    This is one thing about blogging that I can’t stand. This subject was lost somehow and got changed. Do we have to start moderating comments? Today’s post changed too. If you can’t “kind of” stay with the subject, kindly don’t comment.

  12. Conversations have a way of evolving. As long as they don’t get ugly I don’t see a reason to moderate, but that’s me. I would love conversations like this on my blog, but I can’t comment on today’s post here, because I have yet to read it.

    I would think such conversations would be good for blog hits, new readers and the sharing of thoughts and ideas. Staying on topic is nice too. I can’t argue with that. That would be my personal preference as well, but “no harm, no fowl” I say. 😉

    • Joy says:

      Peter, when someone takes the time to write a post, like Nikki did the other day, from her heart and then it got changed from YOUR comment, I kind of find that rude. It’s kind of like interrupting someone Then not one more thing was said about what SHE WROTE about. What was bothering HER. Conversations that turn into arguments that aren’t even what the post is about isn’t who we are here. You did the same thing today with Laura’s post. She wasn’t talking about the benefits of homeschooling. She had something on her mind and wanted to get it off her chest and you turned that into a disagreement too. Most of us know each other in real life and we’re kind to one another. I find you cynical and very augmentative and I don’t like it. IF..IF it had to do do with the post or conversation that would be one thing but YOU’RE the one changing it. Please stop it. Thank you.

    • Joy says:

      We also don’t care about “blog hits.” We just do this to talk to each other and try to help each other. We’re not out to change the world. We just want to live peacefully in it.

  13. Phyllis says:

    Wow! I know that I’m a few days late to the discussion, but WOW!!!!! We sure did go down a few “rabbit trails” here. I’m resisting the urge to get sucked down any of those trails so as not to begin the whole thing anew. (You’re welcome! LOL!)

    Nikki, there is absolutely nothing wrong with how you are raising your son!!! What I’d really like to know is when, exactly, being kind and loving to your family and friends went out of style? I believe that, as parents, we sent the example for our kids to follow. When children are treated with love, kindness and respect they, in turn, learn to be loving, respectful and kind. Do we need to teach our children to be independent? Yes, we do. Does that preclude extending love and providing a loving,caring environment? No! It most certainly does not! After listening to your conversation with the other moms I’m no longer surprised that “common courtesy” is so uncommon these days. These women can’t be bothered to provide a nurturing environment for their kids? SHAME ON THEM! And I, personally, feel: who the hell do they think they are to criticize YOU for doing so?

    Someone needs to get a grip here, and it’s not you…. it’s them. Is it any wonder that so very many kids are running totally amok???????

    Nikki, you’re doing Bailey’s future girlfriends and wife a great service. YOU are teaching your son to be considerate and loving while empowering him to handle things for himself as well. It’s a fine line sometimes, and some moms lose sight of it completely. Just keep on doing what you’re doing.

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