The truth about nagging

Meet the Marriage Killer. The truth about nagging. I was watching the new show, CBS This Morning, when this subject came on and it really took me by surprise. When I heard the “what’s coming up next” I knew I had to stay tuned in.

“It’s More Common Than Adultery and Potentially As Toxic, So Why Is It So Hard to Stop Nagging?”

I thought like many of you must have that this sounds impossible. But it’s not the severity of the act it’s that it’s done all the time and by way more people. I think we all know people who nag. I also think when “nagging” is mentioned, we automatically think of women but I know men and woman who equally nag.

Paul and I were talking last night and we both came to the conclusion that neither of us really nag. He always wants me to “remind” him of things I want him to do but I don’t because to me that’s nagging and if I really want the garbage out and I’ve asked him once, I just take it out myself and pout. It’s not that big of a deal. I grew up with a nagging parent who got like a dog with a bone and didn’t know how to “pick battles” and I swore I’d never be a nag.

There are so many different ways to nag. There’s nagging on the phone. The “what are you doing?” “When are you coming home?” That kind of thing. I have a very close friend who does this and drives her family nuts. Then you have the person who just repeats things over and over and over and over. I think that would about drive me around the bend. Check out this poor guy.

Paul doesn’t really nag me either. I’m not sure if we’ve always been this way or not and we couldn’t determine if we thought nagging was learned behavior or genetic. What’s nagging to you? What do you hate to be nagged about? Do you nag in any way? Do you want to stop or are you a happy nag?

I also told Paul we wouldn’t nag if they listened the first time we told them to do something!


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21 Responses to The truth about nagging

  1. mssc54 says:

    Let me skool you ladies.

    If you haven’t seen your spouse all day. You can wait on pointing out all the ails you have and ESPECIALLY DO NOT…

    Did you (fill in the blank) today?
    How is (fill in blank)?
    Weren’t you supposed to (fill in blank).

    Rapid fire questions IS BITCHING (aka nagging).

    • Joy says:

      Yes. Let your spouse come in and unwind a bit you start in.

      • Nikki says:

        That is one thing I learned from a friend that was in marriage counseling. Allow your spouse to be home for about 30 minutes before you bombard them with conversations, or things to do. I’d be home all day with kids, and the second he got home I’d have diarrhea of the mouth, and get mad that he wasn’t paying attention. Meanwhile, he’s had to talk to people all day long, the last thing he wants is a full on convo when he gets home.

  2. SKL says:

    I really hate to nag. I actually resent having to nag! I rarely do it, but when something really gets to me, I’ll say something about it and feel really awkward and guilty. I don’t like people telling me what to do, so I equally dislike telling others what to do. I’m much more likely to adjust my standards or do things myself than to ask someone else to do it.

    However, some things need done and they say the squeaky wheel gets the grease. It’s just hard to find the right balance. Like, I was supposed to hear from the school in January and I did not. I will probably contact them tomorrow. Maybe that’s being a nag, but more often than not, if you don’t say anything, the other person won’t hold up his end of the bargain.

    I get nagged a lot by my boss-partner. I hate to admit it, but I’m literally afraid to go to the bathroom at night because if she’s up, she’ll say “did you finish X?” And I don’t want to deal with it at all hours! Blah! Then if I get irritated, I get to hear more nagging about all the things that are wrong with my personality. She’s a person who can’t just say her piece and let it go. She’s also a person who cannot remember what you’ve said even after you’ve said it 100 times – so there are times when I feel tempted to nag her – but I still try not to.

  3. Laura says:

    I don’t think I nag Steve. I’ve gotten to the point where I really don’t ask him to do many things, because if he forgets, it’s just going to tick me off. So I do those things myself.

    Josh, on the other hand. I nag him *constantly*. I know I shouldn’t, but at the same time, it’s hard to get him out of bed and to the bus without getting after him for every little thing. He is “oppositional”, which means, essentially, that if it’s not his idea, he ain’t doin’ it. To the point of not going to the bathroom if you suggest it. It makes for very interesting, and often frustrating, mornings. I am trying to figure out how to not nag, while still ensuring that he will make it to the bus on time. And other things, as well.

    I am kind of a nagger when it comes to Scout stuff. But, again, like Joy said, if you’d do it when I asked, I wouldn’t have to nag you!! Things like letting me know how many people in their Den are attending a function, getting necessary paperwork out of those people, that kind of stuff. If you don’t nag, it doesn’t get done, and then the kids pay for it.

    My big fault is complaining. Dear Lord in heaven, am I a complainer!!! I think that’s why I like politics so much. I can bitch and whine as much as I want about it, and people will agree with me!! I have to admit, though, I come by my complaining honestly. My whole family is like that. We get together and complain. We also argue for fun. we really need to get out more.

    • SKL says:

      Oh my gosh, I know what you mean about “if it isn’t my idea, I ain’t doin’ it.” Miss E. Both Thursday and Friday of last week she got a solid whack on her butt for sitting and doing nothing when she was supposed to be getting dressed for school. Why? I probably failed to give her a choice on some minute detail of her wardrobe. If you think that’s bad, you should see the campaign she’s waging against her piano assignment for this week. She is disgusted that the teacher is making her go back and do some basic stuff again until she calls out the note names perfectly. I will remind her of what she’s supposed to do and then inform her of the consequence (or “other choice” such as bed) if she decides not to do it. I have said 100 times, “I will not beg you to do what is good for you.” Besides, I don’t want piano to be about Mom harping (that’s what harp is for, ha ha). But man, she’s been wearing me down this past week.

      Oh, and sometimes Miss A wants to get to school early so she can have the school breakfast, but Miss E does not like being rushed. If it’s for her own desire, she can be ready amazingly fast, but for sister – meh. This is hard because on one hand, it’s not a punishing offense to not eat breakfast at school. On the other hand, it’s pretty mean to hold back in defiance of the idea of helping another out. If it was a shorter drive, I’d drive one to school and then come back for the other. It beats begging / cajoling.

      I have told the girls that I should never have to tell them anything three times (or more). They can hear me just fine, they are obviously ignoring me. So why play the game?

      • Laura says:

        I set goals/rewards for Josh. Get A,B,C done, and you can have/do X,Y,Z. On weekdays I hold the Legos over his head. Friday mornings and weekends, it’s “screen time”, which includes anything with a screen – TV, video games, computer. USUALLY, it works. And if he doesn’t do the stuff he’s supposed to do, he loses whatever the reward is.

        It’s a huge mind game, which I hate. I really want to just be straightforward with him – just get ready for school on time. The idea of being late should be the impetus for moving quickly. Alas, that makes no difference until they reach adulthood and have kids of their own!!!

        • SKL says:

          I have often wondered at what age the concept of “you need to do this quickly in order to be on time” clicks. Not long ago it seemed that if I left the room to do something else, the girls figured they could chill out, even if I’d just told them to hurry up. Now I see the gears turning, but sometimes it seems stubbornness must trump peace and punctuality.

        • Joy says:

          What would happen if he missed the bus and didn’t go to school? Would it bother him to stay home and sit in silence for the day?

    • SKL says:

      I have to add a funny about your point re not going to the bathroom if it’s someone else’s suggestion.

      Miss A is known as a “camel” because she’s always been able to go a long time between potty stops. However, let’s face it, everyone needs to go in the morning after a long night’s sleep. To avoid a last-minute delay, I suggested that Miss A make a potty stop early on this morning.

      Her calm, smiling, polite-sounding reponse: “you take care of your body, and I take care of my body. I will decide when I need to go to the restroom.” OK, then!

  4. Nikki says:

    Jason would never nag me, about anything. That isn’t how he is. I don’t think I nag. I have to remind him of certain things, but like you, I normally just go ahead and do it myself. I don’t nag on the phone! I can’t stand that. I have one girlfriend, that every time we’d go shopping or anywhere by ourselves, her husband would call every 10 minutes. It was so annoying!

    I try REALLY hard to not nag about the smoking, because I know it doens’t do any good. I just can’t stand it, at all. If I do nag, that’s what I nag most about. It wouldn’t bother me so much, if he or his car didn’t smell like an ashtray.

  5. starlaschat says:

    Good Post I’m sitting here trying to think Do I nag? I sure hope not. I like the photo you picked out of the dogs that is so cute. I think probably the worst place is in the car for me. Navar drives and I “help” often using my fake brake and pointing out cars that are trying to hit us. I feel bad about that but it’s so hard because sometimes driving in town seems like bumper cars. Not here so much as where we use to live. Good food for thought who wants to be a nag? Nobody.

    • Joy says:

      Oh my! Did you have to bring up the “back seat driver?” I hadn’t thought of that. I’m first in line in the nagging if that’s nagging. This is why I always try and do the driving. Vicki is one of the only people who don’t make me a nervous driver.

      • SKL says:

        I will not drive with certain people in my passenger seat. Not because they are better drivers, but they sure think they are. When they drive, I am tempted to comment on things that seem really dangerous or stupid, but the only time I’m “supposed” to say anything is when I’ve noticed there’s a cop around.

        My kids are getting into the act now, though. They can sense when “someone” is speeding and they will say so. Once “someone” complained that another car was going too slow. Miss A calmly explained, “he is not going slowly, he’s going at a normal speed. It only seems slow to you because you are speeding.” Out of the mouths of babes!

      • Vicki says:

        lol Joy but we only drive 6 miles and back..
        I am not a fan of riding with other people either ESPECIALLY in the winter on slippery roads…sounds like a whole other post.

      • Joy says:

        I know but it’s six miles full of deer. We’re so busy watching for them and yacking, I don’t feel afraid.

  6. Karen Joy says:

    Oh boy!I didnt think I nagged until I read Starla’s comment about driving in the car.I try so hard not to say something while my hubby is driving but I usually open my mouth!Just last week when we drove into the city he for the first time said to me”Do you want to drive,Ill pull over and you can drive then”!CRAP!The honeymoon is over,I said,lol!He’s always been polite up until now and never said much to me but I quess even the nicest guys have their limit.We off to the city today so here’s the test I suppose.I’m going to try very hard to shut my mouth.Wish me luck!

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