Question of the day

Did your parents ever say anything to you as a child that you swore you’d never say to your own child but find that you do?

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13 Responses to Question of the day

  1. SKL says:

    Oh, sure, multiple things. Swear words, for one. Also, “I’m gonna kill you.” Which my mom didn’t mean and I certainly don’t mean, but it sometimes slips out (very rarely, though). “I’m gonna break your neck” was another thing my mom said a lot, and I’ve caught myself saying it once or twice. Also, “I’m gonna trade you in for a new model.” Not something you want to say to adopted kids who are already in a sensitive mood. My mom also used to say “you make me sick,” “I’m sick of you” and “get out of my life,” but so far I haven’t said those – I don’t think. (I’m sure my mom heard all these from her parents, and I always knew she never really meant them.)

    I say a lot of “no” / “because I said so” / “I am your mother” / “too bad” / “I don’t care” instead of the idealized “oh darling, let me explain a little better.”

  2. SKL says:

    I actually think the worst things I say around my kids are when I put myself down – “I’m so stupid” etc. I need to stop doing that.

  3. Joy says:

    “Do you want a spanking?” “Because I said so.”

  4. mssc54 says:

    Word curses can haunt a child all their life.

    • Joy says:

      Not only curse words but hurtful words in general. I tried very hard never to say those kinds of things. I know I did but I tried very hard not to.

  5. Joy says:

    “Do you think money grows on trees? Our name’s not Rockefeller.”

  6. Just a Mom says:

    A ton!!! “Because I said so.” “Do you live in a barn?” “In or out, make up your mind” “There are starving children in China who would love to eat that!”
    I could fill up the whole page!

  7. Laura says:

    Some things… like “because I said so”.

    But Josh is SO very different from me that many of the things my parents said to me don’t apply to him, so it’s easy not to use the phrases they used on me.

    There are things that I consciously stay away from. My dad was very much the “negative reinforcement” parent. His “encouragement” was very belittling – “you’re weak”, “you’re a pune”, things like that. It has had a lifelong affect on me, so I’m very, VERY careful not to say those things to Josh. I’ll be straight with him when he needs it – “you didn’t do too well in Tae Kwon Do today because you didn’t practice this week”, “yes, you’re a little weak, but you’ll get stronger if you work at it,” but try to keep it positive, or at least encouraging.

    • SKL says:

      So you wouldn’t copy my “I am not raising wusses” / “don’t be a wuss” lines, I guess.

      Having two with very different talents does force me to be careful – especially now that they seem to be constantly “comparing.” So I don’t say so much about actual ability, but I will say things to encourage them to be adventurous and try most everything once.

      • Laura says:

        I think that approach really depends upon the child. I was seriously sensitive as a kid, and took everything to heart. So when he thought that telling me I was weak would motivate me, it really made me feel really bad, like everyone else was better than me. But a friend of mine, if you told her the exact same thing, she’d come out swinging, ready to prove you wrong in any way that she could. SHE was the perfect candidate for that method.

        • SKL says:

          Right . . . I can think of things my mom said to me that hit me harder than she meant them to. I suppose I might be guilty of the same, but part of me believes that a parent shouldn’t censor too much, either. It’s always a balance and we can count on our kids to eventually tell us how poorly we managed. (Especially if they are girls!) And then when we have grandchildren, the aggrieved little divas will understand where we were coming from.

  8. Nikki says:

    “We don’t own the electric company”
    “We’re not cooling the outside”
    “We’re you born in a barn?”

    I’m sure there are others, I’ll add to this as they come to mind.

  9. joanharvest says:

    My father never gave us reasons for anything he said. If you wanted something he would just say “no” and that was it. You didn’t ask again. You just knew he meant it. He didn’t yell or threaten he just calmly said “no”. if he asked you to do something you just did it. No questions asked. I still don’t know why we all just listened to him. He must have hypnotized us or something. So there really isn’t anything I could say to my kids that my Dad did except for “No” which I did say a lot.

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