Power Outage

I found this button at Zazzle.

At my recent assault trial, I offered a plea of “Guilty with an explanation.” The judge asked me what my explanation was, so I told my story.

“Your Honor,” I said, “I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met with: ‘Hi! I’m Belinda!’ This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, ‘All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?’ I’m thinking, ‘Belinda, try decaf. This ain’t rocket science.’ Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, ‘Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?’ ‘Fine’, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap!

Complete darkness and the power went off! ‘Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag.’ Belinda said, and headed for the door. ‘Excuse me! You’re not leaving me in this vise alone are you?’ I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, ‘Oh, you fussy puppy…the door’s wide open so you’ll have the emergency hall lights. I’ll be right back.’

Before I could shout ‘NOOOO!’ she disappeared. And that’s exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men Extraordinaire, found me … Half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass! After exchanging a polite ‘Hi, how’s it going’ type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible ‘Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.’ ‘You bet, take care’ Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I’d been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, ‘Oh I am sooo sorry!’ The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?’

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps…..”

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said ‘Case Dismissed!!’

This entry was posted in funny, humor, laughs, laughter and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Power Outage

  1. Joy says:

    This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a LONG, LONG time. Oh Laura, you’re too much!! LMAO!!!

  2. Sue says:

    I have not had a mammogram yet, but everyone that has had one explains it just like that! Boobs in a vice grip!

    • Joy says:

      Seriously, I’ve never had a problem getting one. I of course don’t have much there to put in the vice grip so that might be why.

  3. Laura says:

    When it’s time for me to go and get mine? I’m bringing the biggest Monkey Wrench I can find. That machine turns off, and I’m taking it apart, bolt by bolt!

    • Laura says:

      Ok, one of my Most Helpful Brothers informs me that vice grips would be the better choice. So I’m packin’ BOTH.

  4. Tania says:

    It was damn funny ! I enjoyed readin every bit ! Thanks for the laughter!

  5. mssc54 says:

    Haha – Good ol Bubby he gets all the breaks.

  6. Nikki says:

    OH MY!!! I am so glad I took the time to read that!!! LOL
    I’ve never had one either, I have this fear that they won’t stop and my boob gets ripped off. 😦 That is a valid fear in my eyes!

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