After all this time…

I think I was one of the last ones I know that didn’t have a computer. Now that I have one I am blown away by the old friends I have found and how much everyone has changed. I’m talking about the people I knew years ago in school, the ones I left 11 years ago, and never really looked back.

I left California and moved to Montana the summer I turned 16 to live with 2 of my 3 sisters and then moved to Minnesota when I was 17 1/2. That was the longest I’d been in one spot so I got very close to these friends. Like the kind of girlfriends who you played truth or dare with, shared secrets with that will go to the grave. Good girlfriends!!!

Finding out what everyone has been up to has been more than interesting. So and so married who?! They did what, with who? So much has happened since I left…they grew up, well most did. They have their own kids and careers. All pretty much look the same, maybe a little heavier, a little older. Some have stayed there and some moved on. Some have passed. A few were such good friends that I thought at one point in my life I couldn’t live without them. Why did I let them slip away? I could use the excuse “people move on” but really?

My best friend in high school was the best, we were inseparable. When I left she had a hard time with drugs, she almost died. I should have stayed in touch so at least I could have been there for emotional support. I think I regret that the most. And I should probably tell her that I have found her. She had even asked me to be her Maid of Honor in her wedding…WOW!!!

I am now staying in touch with my 2 oldest nieces, 16 and 18 who live in California. There are things about them I had no idea about. Why does it take a computer to really find out things about someone. It’s my fault I didn’t take as much time to call as often as I should have or write to them. I’ve missed so much. I could have had one of my sisters try and find some of my old friends but I didn’t. It took a damn computer…and I feel awful for that. I left them and never thought twice about it ( I’m sure that’s what they thought) so why should they open there arms to me now and more importantly, want me in their wedding?!?!

Would you? Have you let great friendships slip through your fingertips and regret it? Throughout this whole process I’ve learned one thing…true friends are hard to come by so when you find them don’t let them go. I know I won’t and that goes for old friends and new.


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10 Responses to After all this time…

  1. Joy says:

    You can’t beat yourself up over this Nikki. Things just happen and at the time, you had to get away to save yourself. I’m not quite sure but I think you were on a path that wasn’t good. I LOVE the computer and it’s such a good way to keep in touch that we didn’t have way back when. I also feel it’s a lot easier this way. You can write a note right now and it’s there. It used to take me weeks to send my grandma a letter and then for her to write back, another two weeks. This is so much better. The chatting and now blogs, it’s great. I find, for myself that I’m a lot more honest on the computer. There is a certain “braveness” to sitting in front of your monitor.

    Would I get in touch with “found” old friends? Maybe. Family I for sure would. If the friends are stable and grown up like you are, I probably would. But you have to remember that some people don’t grow up at the same rates and you don’t want to “invite” trouble into your life. Know what I mean?? I hate to say to much as I don’t know who will read this but you’ve had bad luck with people moving in with you because your heart is way to big so you have to keep that in mind. How did you find them that they don’t know you have?

    But all in all, I think computers are a wonderful thing.

  2. SKL says:

    I come from a time when folks could only keep in touch through face-to-face meetings, letters, and phone calls – and if you moved out of town and were broke, the letters were the only real option, and that required both sides to be into writing. I have lost many friends as a result – after all, I was a student living off my working class parents (along with their other five kids) and/or off student loans and the occasional part-time / temporary job I could get in my rural hometown or on a college campus, until I was 25. I didn’t have my “own” transportation until my dad gave me his old jalopy when I was 26 or 27 – and the first time I tried to drive somewhere to meet an old friend, the jalopy got totaled in a seven-car pile-up. Really!

    I attended my law school’s five-year reunion. I hadn’t been one of the “popular” people but I had made some friends. I don’t know whether they all skipped the reunion or all colored their hair and changed their appearance beyond recognition, but I saw nobody I really “knew” at the reunion.

    Recently I have tried to look up old friends, all the way back to elementary school. It would be great to find out how they all are doing and let them know what I’m up to. But, funny thing about girls in my day, they tended to grow up, get married, and change their names. Or maybe they are just living quiet lives and keeping off the internet. For whatever reason, I can’t find any of them. One best friend has a name that I did find on the net, but I had no way of confirming it was “her” versus someone else with the same name – there was no other identifying info. I even googled my elementary and high schools, but all I found was a guy who was several grades above me and a woman who had died. It’s kinda sad, but with or without the internet, it looks like the friends of my youth are permanently out of my life (unless you count my siblings and close family friends who have never lost touch).

    The nice thing is that the younger generation has a chance to keep friendships forever throught the internet. Maybe, in some ways, they will enjoy the camaraderie that our ancestors had, when people stayed in the same community throughout their lives.

  3. nikki says:

    Oh I think the internet is a wonderful thing and I’m grateful to have it now. I think you met Danielle, Joy, she came for one visit 8 years ago when I was pregnant. And no that was not a good time to have her back in my life. She’s been drug free now for 3 years but I still don’t plan on her coming here. And you are right I was continuously going down the wrong path. I’m sure I would have gone down the same path she did and my life would have been very different. I’m glad to see that most are doing very well for themselves. And none of them can believe I settled down and had a family a LONG time ago. I feel the most guilty about my nieces but they just see it as “it’s just a lot easier now” they have never held it against me. I didn’t understand your last question, Joy, if you were asking how I found them it was on Myspace, this weird thing that A LOT of people are into. All new to me!!!

  4. Joy says:

    I have myspace but never go there. I have facebook too but only because Eric put pics in there when he was in Japan. I never go there now either. It’s to “busy” for me. So can you find people on myspace without their knowing? On facebook you have to have their permission to see their profile.

  5. nikki says:

    It’s up to you if you want your profile private or not, it’s different than Facebook. Carissa found one person and that led to others. My profile is set as private, they have to know my last name. And most don’t know my married name. I have to accept them. It’s been fun.

  6. Tosha says:

    I’ve lost friends along the way. Some i’ve looked up and we are too different now to even have anything but our past in common. Some we’ve reunited and had lunch and stay in touch. Some i’ve yet to locate and would love to..

  7. candi says:

    Hi girl its not your fault things just happen, I didnt have a computer growing up and when I did I found some good frineds, but as we both know great girlfriends are really hard to come by. I had a really great best frined, well at least i thought I did, u know who that is. Girl i love you and i hope we can keep in touch forever, and I really wish that we could be insepartable. How can i write a main heading on this blog. Love ya

  8. Joy says:

    What do you mean by a “main heading” Candi?

  9. Jane says:

    Sometimes I feel I’ve lived to sheltered. I went to school and have lived in the same place my whole life so all my friends still mostly, live around me. We all left to go to school but most of our circle came back and we all live within an hour from each other. I do count myself lucky. But the computer is a wonderful thing.

  10. Ali says:

    Nikki, the sad fact of life is sometimes we outgrow our peers. You grew up. You have a great man and a wonderful little boy so you have to go from there. I’ve grown apart from some of my “take it to the grave” girlfriends but now, sadly, they take drugs, party in front of their kids and basically, have a dismal life. You may not want the same things anymore. I’d let them know you found them but I’d also be sure to let them know you are respectable now and you are happy and not into the same things anymore because you might unintentionally invite trouble into your life if you as big hearted as Joy says.

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